Monday, February 4, 2013

Finding Health in Chaos - My Mission to become a Healthy Mom

Last year I weighed over 200 lbs, really I was on the verge of a quarter ton!  Yep, I just said that out loud, or rather will be sending it out to the blogosphere which is actually even more scary... but it was my reality.

Its been my reality for just about as long as I can remember.  I have had short periods of being less but never for very long.  I was the fat kid from a very early age.  Like so many people who struggle with weight I am cursed by both genetics and bad patterns I developed in childhood.  Patterns of food serving as both comfort and protection against the challenges and struggles in my life.  Being overweight - fat, has been part of me for most of my 33 years.

The last few years whenever I mentioned weight people would say, but you just had kids... Which is true. I've had 3 kids in the last five years.  All by cesarean section and two were difficult pregnancies that required bed rest.  My children have left their mark (literally) on my body but the reality is that I was overweight well before my beautiful babies arrived.  Unlike many women I couldn't use them as an excuse.

Age and maturity has helped me to accept myself and be comfortable in my skin, but underneath that acceptance my longing to not be overweight never changed.  Those dreams of my teenage years to be able to wear normal size clothes and not be dragged down by my weight never went away.  I found ways to justify my weight - children, heredity, no time to exercise, no money for a gym, chronic pain.  I also took comfort that unlike many overweight people I didn't suffer from any weight related diseases - diabetes, cholesterol, high blood pressure.

Yet, deep down the longing for something different never went away.  

At times it seemed that my determination to learn to love myself made it easier to ignore my weight.  If I lost weight it would only confirm that I wasn't as comfortable as I said, that I wasn't as sure of myself as I let everyone around me think... But then I had two defining moments that made me realize that I was not where I should be and those slowly led me to know that change was needed.  I began to see that I could love myself AND change.  I could be strong and confident and say - being fat is not who I am, it is NOT a part of me and I can shed that for something better.

I'll go into those moment in a different post but they brought me to the realization that becoming healthy was truly the only way to finally show that I did love and accept myself. Accepting the fat me as OK was what was fake, not letting it go for something healthier.

On June 12, 2012 I decided it was time for a change, not a diet (although I have nothing in particular against them) but a decision to find a way to become a healthy mom in the middle of my crazy chaotic life.  Time to put away the excuses and become a healthy Mom my family deserves.

Almost eight months later I am within reach of losing 50 pounds.  I still have more to go and I hope to share more of my journey to becoming a healthy Mom here. I want to share because I have found strength in other's choices to leave their fat behind for something better. I've been inspired, encouraged and uplifted as I have seen others who put themselves out there in the public forum and shared both triumphs and failures.  As I've lost weight I have had so many ask how I did it {I'll give you a preview - I don't have any fancy tricks} and shared their struggles with me.

So here are my before and current pictures.  I'm not done yet!

As of today I have lost 48 lbs and am excited to see where this journey ends up!




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